Are You Talking to Me?

Tags: Media,

If you haven’t heard, there’s a movement afoot to ban the word “bossy” as a descriptor for girls who show leadership skills. It made me think of my (Cuban) father. He used to say he never had any desire to marry a Cuban woman because they were too “bossy” (he had two sisters…and a mother). So he married an Irish lass and was blessed with four “bossy” daughters.

As slick, star-studded public service campaigns go, “Ban Bossy” gets my attention.

It’s the brainchild of Facebook COO and “Lean In” author, Sheryl Sandberg and the intent is to help girls and women feel more confident about taking on leadership roles without worrying about a backlash.

Like being called “bossy.”

Apparently Sandberg is still smarting from that adjective being applied to her by a teacher when she was in the ninth grade (long memory). And now she has the celebrity (and finances) to do something about it.

“This is a word that is symbolic of systemic discouragement of girls to lead. We are not talking about getting rid of a word, even though we want to get rid of a word,” she said. “We’re talking about getting rid of the negative messages that hold our daughters back.”

So to start the “Ban Bossy” ball rolling, Sandberg put a posse together of influential female leaders and friends like Beyoncé (“I’m not bossy. I am the boss!”), Jane Lynch, Condoleezza Rice, Diane von Furstenberg, Jennifer Garner, and Anna Maria Chavez (Girl Scouts USA CEO and campaign partner). She even recruited some menfolk to join in the fun, including NASCAR champ Jimmie Johnson, and U.S. Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan.

Here’s the rationale:

• The confidence gap starts early: Between elementary school and high school, girls’ self-esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys.

• Bossy holds girls back: They are twice as likely as boys to worry that leadership roles will make them seem “bossy.”

• Girls get less airtime in class: They are called on less and interrupted more.

The campaign publicity coverage has been a publicist’s dream: a Parade magazine cover story, Sandberg appearances on network morning and talk shows, features on TV news magazines and in every major national print outlet you can think of, and a groundswell of comments on the blogosphere (not all of them positive).

There are celebrity endorsement YouTube videos and the website highlights discouraging stats (women make up just 19% of US Congress, 5% of Fortune 1000 CEOs, 17% of corporate Boards). There are also leadership tips for parents and teachers, and a special section where you can “Take the Pledge” to ban the word “bossy” from the English language (at least when it’s used to describe young girls or women).

You’ve probably guessed by now that the theme song for this campaign isn’t “I am woman, hear me roar…”

So what’s going on here?

I’m wondering if the participants in this well-intentioned initiative are wishing they had held some pre-launch Focus Groups. I can’t believe they did given the mixed reaction from women and the media.

I went to an all-girls high school and college that were literally incubators for tomorrow’s “bossy” women (also known as leaders).

I can’t imagine us needing or wanting the “thought police” running interference for us then, let alone now.

So girls, next time someone calls you “bossy,” respond with a stare that can melt paint off a wall and then get back to organizing the heck out of whatever project you were working on before you were so rudely interrupted.

Deeds. Not words.

Anita Alvare (bio)/Alvare Associates/610-520-6140

Ban Bossy, Sheryl Sandberg, LeanIn, bossy, Media Relations